Artemis Fowl: The Last Guardian

 Let me just say that finishing a series that I've invested so much in, both emotionally and time-wise, always comes as a shock. Some people call this feeling of being drained after reading a book a book hangover. Well, that book hangover is infinitely worse when it's an entire series.

When I read the final page of Artemis Fowl: The Last Guardian yesterday evening, I closed the book and didn't really know what to do with myself. For a little more than a month now, I'd just close one book and begin the next. Granted, this experience is different than reading, oh, Harry Potter, because I was with that series from the beginning, so I had long waits between books. (Agonizing waits....) But even though I didn't have long to wait for any of the Artemis Fowl books, having gotten lucky at the library when almost the entire series was in at one time, I still don't really know what to do.

This series is not on the emotional level of Harry Potter, nor even quite as high as The Hunger Games. But I invested a lot of feeling in the characters. After the shaky start with the first two books, I was thrown headlong into the world of Artemis and the fairy people, and I really didn't think I could look back. Artemis, Holly, Butler, Foaly, and even Mulch became my friends. There are other characters, too, whom I came to know.

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I don't even think I should share much of the storyline of The Last Guardian, because almost anything I share would be giving too much away. Suffice it to say that Artemis' arch nemesis, Opal Koboi, is back, and has an elaborate plan to infuse herself with enough dark magic to take over the world. And, of course, ground zero is the Fowl Estate in the countryside of Ireland.

Ten thousand years ago, where the Fowl Estate now stands, fairy warriors were buried at the Berserker Gate, their souls trapped by an immensely powerful enchantment until such time as someone opens the gate and floods the world with the power of Danu to rid the earth of all humans. At least, this is what Opal plans to do. And it's up to Artemis and friends to stop her.

Only this time, it truly may be the end for the small band.

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Knowing the end of this book already (thanks to Maggie, which was totally okay) really didn't change how I felt while I was reading it. No, I didn't feel like my heart was ripped out or anything; it wasn't quite that powerful. But it was heart-wrenching all the same. When an author is able to write in a sacrifice correctly, I always applaud them. And in this case, Eoin Colfer did it well.

I do applaud you, Eoin Colfer, I really do. Your series was excellent, poignant, funny, and all too human. Do I think your books will ever reach the modern classic status of a few other children/teen series I've read? No. But that's okay. I think I like it better when the fandom is low key because then not everybody jumps on the bandwagon. So if no films are ever made, I'll be just fine with that. In fact, with the way Hollywood screws up books these days, we're all a lot better off without the adaptations.

Artemis Fowl: The Atlantis Complex

Nearly done with the Artemis Fowl series. Not sure how I feel about that, actually. It's been a good series, despite how I felt about the choppy writing in the first two books.

The Atlantis Complex is the seventh book in Eoin Colfer's series. It has a rather different tone from the previous books, but I found it just as funny and poignant. I think it is different because Artemis is trapped inside his own head for part of the story, causing an alternate personality to come to the surface. More on that in a moment.

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The late Commander Julius Root's twisted and villainous brother, Turnball Root, is planning a break out of The Deeps, the maximum security prison in Atlantis. Of course, no one but his guard knows this, and that's because he's got a rune spell on him. Meanwhile, Artemis is slowly descending into madness, becoming obsessive about numbers (the number five is good and the number four is bad), and trying desperately to leave his criminal past behind. He has this plan to save the ice caps, dubbed The Project. He calls his friends to Iceland so he can show them his plan. Captain Holly Short, Commander Vinyaya, and Foaly all show up. Unfortunately, things go very badly wrong. A Mars probe that Foaly himself designed has come hurtling towards Iceland. As they scramble to save themselves, Artemis' Project, and figure out what is going on, the probe crashes, killing Vinyaya and injuring the other three. Holly has to shoot (well, more like stun) Artemis to knock him out so that he doesn't do anything stupid, but that causes another problem when he awakes.

Artemis Fowl II is gone, replace by Orion Fowl, a very romantic hero-type alter ego that insists on professing his most ardent love to Captain Holly Short. To her credit, Holly takes it rather gracefully. Or at least without punching him too many times. Many reviewers on GoodReads said that this book sucked and Orion was one of the reasons why, but honestly I thought he was hilarious. And when we get to see Artemis trapped in his own mind rolling his eyes over what his alter ego is saying, it's just great.

So, the probe crashed through the ice and it headed deep into the Atlantic Ocean straight for the city of Atlantis. Turnball Root had this all planned out, of course. He even distracted Butler and his sister Juliet. But there, Mulch Diggums saves the day.

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A rather convoluted plot, yes, and certainly not the best in the series. But hilarious and enjoyable, nonetheless. I gave it four stars. I'm sad to see the series at its end. I'm in the middle of The Last Guardian right now, which I know I'm going to love and hate since I know what happens. Oh dear.

I don't know what to read next!!

Artemis Fowl: The Time Paradox

Not really a fan of this new cover.

Let me just state right now that this was my favorite of the Artemis Fowl books. At least so far. Generally the last book in a series is my absolute favorite, but since this one was all about time travel, it's at the top of the list. Because time travel is one of my favorite things.

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So, in the present, Artemis' mother is deathly ill. And somehow, it appears that she has a magical illness, Spelltropy. Artemis fears that he has given it to her in his attempt to heal her with the magic that he appropriated while in the time stream in the last book. Of course, he also completely drains himself of his magic in his attempt.

When Holly and Foaly realize Angeline Fowl has contracted Spelltropy, they think the case is hopeless because the cure is long gone. Artemis thinks all is lost when he realizes that the cure was from a creature that he caused to go extinct when he was just 10 years old. Ouch. Talk about a blow to the ego.

Artemis is not about to just let his mother die. The only option is to go back in time, which generally never turns out well. But Artemis won't back down. He accuses Holly of giving his mother the illness, which is a blatant lie, but Holly believes it. She feels obligated to help. They get the help of the demon warlock N.1 to open the time stream, and back they go.

Once back in time, Holly and Artemis notice a few changes to their appearances -- Holly is an adolescent fairy again, and Artemis is probably around 17 instead of 14. (You can see where this is going, haha.) And, as is typical, nothing goes right from the moment they get moving.

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In this particular book, spoilers would be a bad idea, and it's pointless to try and explain some of the events. After all, the entire tale revolves around a time paradox of such huge proportions, there's only one villain in the world of Artemis Fowl who could dream up such a thing. Take a wild guess. But I won't state the name here.

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This book was simply excellent. Eoin Colfer gets the paradox right, even if it doesn't seem like it upon first reading. I did have to reread a few sections, just to make sure I knew what was going on. But the beauty of writing about time travel is that you are allowed to miss a few things, because not even the characters themselves would know everything. Five stars.

Artemis Fowl: The Lost Colony

 I finished the fifth Artemis Fowl book a week ago, but of course I didn't write the review immediately. It's been an interesting week. Anyway.

Ten thousand years ago, when the People lost their last battle with the Mud Men (humans), they all retreated underground. All, except for the 8th Family, the demons. The demon warlocks transported their island habitat of Hybras into Limbo, in hopes that they could eventually bring it back to earth. In the process, the demon warlock circle was broken and as a result, Hybras was stuck out of Time.

Fast forward to present day. Young master Artemis has made all the necessary calculations about the demons and has concluded that the time spell is unraveling. This, typically, will be a problem. And who ends up taking care of it?

The dream team of Artemis, Holly Short, Butler, and Foaly, obviously. But things don't exactly as planned(they never do!), since it turns out there is another group of humans who know about the demons. It gets extremely hairy.

Obviously, the world is saved, because that's the way these stories work. But not without a price. Everything that happens on Hybras when it's still in Limbo takes place really fast (relatively speaking, since there wasn't exactly any passage of time, haha), but when they eventually bring the island back, it's been three years on earth. Which wouldn't have been a huge problem except that Artemis didn't age, plus he and Holly swapped one eyeball in the time stream. Talk about a mess.

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I enjoyed this book immensely. The whole Limbo, Time, etc. thing was just awesome. Any stories about time travel I generally eat right up. Plus, we got some hilarious new characters, like N*1 (or No.1, not sure), a demon who thinks he might be a warlock.

These books really do just get better and better. Five stars.

Artemis Fowl: The Opal Deception

Well, that was intense.
Seriously.
First of all, despite yesterday's post where I longed to curl up and read War and Peace, I honestly can't stop reading Artemis Fowl.
I guess it's the fact that I managed to grab the first six books from the library at one time and when I begin a series I like, it's nearly impossible for me to put them down.
So yeah.

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The adventures of Artemis and his fairy friends are becoming more dangerous and definitely more life-threatening. The Opal Deception is no exception. Opal Koboi, the pixie behind the goblin rebellion in The Arctic Incident, is back, though no body knows how at first because she's supposed to be in a coma under heavy guard at the hospital. Supposed to be. But when it appears that Captain Holly Short has shot and killed her own commander and then taken off for the surface, the LEP (Lower Elements Police -- forgot to cover that) clearly could have looked elsewhere than Holly.

In fact, Opal has killed Commander Julius Root and was after Artemis Fowl and his bodyguard Butler, as well. Holly had only a short time before they were vaporised by a bio-bomb. Of course, they are saved, but Artemis and Butler don't have any memories of the fairies. They were, after all, mind-wiped at the end of the last book. Look how that turned out. Not well.

Holly brings them up to speed, Mulch Diggums joins the crew, Artemis and Butler get their memories back, and the chase is on. Unfortunately, Holly and Artemis are captured before Artemis even has his memories back. They are nearly killed by trolls, which certainly doesn't help anybody.

With the LEP completely hoodwinked into not even considering Opal's deception (see what I did there?), this book is jam-packed with crazy happenings. I don't want to go any further into the storyline because there's a few spoilers already. But it all happens so quickly at the beginning of the book anyway.

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If the books get progressively better like this, I can't imagine what the final book in the series will be like. Unfortunately, I do know a few major spoilers for the end, but I can pretend I don't. And I will give this book 4 stars. Not 5, but 4. I was sufficiently shocked and sad and happy by turns with all the events in this book. I was incredibly sad that Commander Root was murdered, to the point that when Maggie called me last night (to talk about Doctor Who mostly, what else?), what I said to her by way of hello was "Is Commander Root really dead????" Yeah.

If you ever tried to get into the Artemis Fowl series and couldn't get past the first couple of books, please, keep going. They get better. I promise. And you just might find yourself attached to more than a few characters.

bookish thoughts

Keeping up with more than one blog is not easy. I sort of wish I had kept to one and just made multiple sections, etc. Perhaps that will happen in the future, though it's not likely. I have to organize and categorize things. It's the librarian in me.

Seriously, all the books in my house are (loosely) catalogued in Dewey Decimal. I spent about a month last autumn doing that, much to my husband's dismay. Half the books are his, though, so he shouldn't complain. And now it's super easy for me to find a book! (Doesn't mean we have enough bookshelves, of course....) I did have my own system beforehand, but Dewey makes everything simpler. It's too bad Dewey can't really be used with kitchen cabinets.

I'm almost halfway through the Artemis Fowl series, which is excellent. I have the third book in the A Song of Ice and Fire series, but I kind of want to finish Artemis Fowl first. But this snow is making me want to curl up with a big ol' classic tome. Like War and Peace or something Russian. The problem with that is the books already mentioned are library books. Oy vey.

I haven't read a classic in a couple of months, and it's starting to wear on me. Classics are my comfort novels, kind of like PG Tips with a jigger of whiskey is my comfort drink, and any version of Alice in Wonderland is my comfort film. (Or old black and white films. LOVE.)

Do you have a comfort novel?

Anyway. It's tempting to put down Artemis Fowl and pick up War and Peace. It really is. But I did make a promise to my youngest sister that I would finish Eoin Colfer's series. I don't really know what the point of this post is. Just a reader's ramblings, I suppose.

Also, do you like my new background?

Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code.

After all the complaining I did about Eoin Colfer's writing in the first two Artemis Fowl books, I was pleasantly surprised when I realized the third book wasn't nearly as choppy and badly-written. I guess he grew into the story a bit more? Or something?

Anyway, The Eternity Code was excellent. Fairy technology stolen by a tech magnate (at least that's what I consider Spiro), Butler killed and brought back to life, and apparently even the great Artemis Fowl II's plans can go awry sometimes.

What I found interesting about this book is that it actually didn't seem like Artemis was only in it for himself this time. He had his own motivations for showing the fairy technology to Spiro, but after that he was kind of helpless for a (very) short period of time. And though the entire fairy population was in danger, Holly Short and Mulch Diggums genuinely wanted to help Artemis, not only save themselves.

I like Holly. She's feisty, a good soldier, and clearly has a soft spot for Artemis. She also isn't afraid to disobey orders when they aren't going to help. Not that that's something to always condone, but within the frame of the story, it works.

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I'm currently reading The Artemis Fowl Files, which has two short stories about Holly and Mulch, the Gnommish alphabet, interviews with various characters and the author, and various other info about the People. I won't review it in a separate post, but I will say that it's a good addition to the series!

Artemis Fowl: The Arctic Incident

Mmkay, so I read this entire book yesterday.
It was just one of those days.

In Artemis Fowl: The Arctic Incident, we see the same cast of characters returning, though not for all the same reasons. This time it isn't Artemis attacking the fairies. Well, not attacking, exactly, but at any rate it isn't his fault. Captain Holly Short, with a score to settle, thinks the thirteen year old criminal mastermind is behind the goblin uprising (clearly someone is doing weapons trading), and Commander Root believes her. They kidnap Artemis and his bodyguard, Butler, and bring them belowground, where it is quickly discovered that the kid had nothing to do with the goblins. But he could probably help.

The result is that Root and Holly end up assisting Artemis to rescue his father, who is apparently alive (though not quite well) and being held captive in Murmansk, Russia. Fairies hate the cold, and they don't handle radiation well at all. So this is a big thing.

Naturally, both problems become entangled when the goblins stage a revolution in Haven, the fairy capital city, and attempt to assassinate Root and Holly in northern Russia. Yeah. It isn't pretty. And by the end of the story, everything is resolved (as usual). But this time Artemis and the fairies part on good terms After all, they did help save Artemis Fowl the First. It seems that perhaps Artemis isn't destined to be an enemy to the magic folk for all time....

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Again, short and slightly convoluted summary. Colfer's writing wasn't really any better in this book, either. And I think the editors for the edition I read were not doing their job. SO MANY SPELLING MISTAKES AND MISSING LETTERS. Erm. Yeah. It was really incredibly annoying. But it's cool to see the relationship between Artemis and Holly going somewhere. I don't mean romantically; I think they could genuinely have a friendship in the near future. They've seen the best and worst of each other already.

Artemis Fowl

My youngest sister (she's almost 13) has been bugging me to read the Artemis Fowl series by Eoin Colfer for oh, at least two years now. I think. Being free of college at last (which was almost two years ago...), I have the freedom to read for leisure. But I kept forgetting about dear little Artemis. Sure, I read the first book about four or five years ago while I was working at the library. But that's as far as I got. So I have now taken it upon myself to read the entire series before winter is over. Not a huge problem, since the books aren't that long.

I reread the first book, to reacquaint myself with the characters. Artemis is likeable in a sad way; you feel sorry for him at the beginning -- a missing father (presumed dead) and a very sick mother because of that. Artemis' bodyguard, Butler, doesn't have too much of a personality in this book, but he's quite impressive. The fairies we meet in the first book are rather hilarious. I love Captain Holly Short for her spunk and willingness to disobey orders when they are dumb. Which, let's face it, many of the orders coming from Commander Julius Root are dumb. Root is absolutely hilarious, and I'm sure Colfer meant him to be. Always about to blow his top, it's a wonder that he's in charge at LEP at all! And there's Foaly, the paranoid centaur who controls all the techie stuff. Oh, and we can't forget Mulch Diggums, kleptomaniac extraordinaire. I'm not kidding. He's quite the convict.

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As far as the story goes, it's a decent one. Fairies have hidden underground from humans, which they call Mud Men, for many centuries now. They go aboveground for few things, one being to renew their magic. This is how Holly gets captured by Artemis, who has an uncanny knowledge of the fairies. Commander Root stages an attack on Fowl Manor, they discover that Artemis has a copy of the Book, the fairies' holy writ, as it were, and things don't go so hot after that.

That's a simple summary.

The problem I had with this book is that Eoin Colfer is good with weaving a plot but he's kind of a terrible writer. So much of his grammar was bad. Plus, he doesn't use POV and omniscient narrator very well. There were more than a few pages where I couldn't figure out who was saying and/or thinking what.

I gave the book 3 stars because though it's badly written, it's amusing and a clever story.